Wait Until the Kids Go to Bed

Then indulge...

Weight: 169 lbs
Razor Status: Dormant
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: 3
Hubby's Mood: Antsy

If there is one thing I have learned in my two years of motherhood, it's that there are certain things that you just have to wait to do until the kids go to sleep. You know what I'm talking about...

I'm talking about eating a bowl of ice cream. Your favorite cookie. Or a bag of chips.

Yeah, I'm a 27 year old mother of two who doesn't share her favorite foods. So I wait until the kids are sleeping to indulge.

What did you think I was talking about? Perv!


And So It Begins

Break out the hair dye!

Weight: 169 lbs
Razor Status: Active
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: 1
Hubby's Mood: Antsy

Yesterday I went to the salon for my day of pampering. After much discussion about my hair's lack of style we decided to go short. My fabulous stylist started snipping away as she listened to me ramble on about my kids and other mundane topics that she could probably care less about. After about 10 minutes of snipping she held up a single hair and said "look, it's your first grey (Or is it gray? I prefer grey, it seems more distinguished.) hair!"...


No, this can't be! It's not possible! I don't have grey hair! I'm only 27 for crying out loud!!!

Quick, someone get me some hair dye, an applicator brush and some foil, STAT!

OMG (yes, I'm 27 and just typed OMG), what am I supposed to do? And how many more are there? Do I pluck it? But don't you grow 3 grey hairs for every one you pluck? Ok, scratch that idea. I guess I will just have to live with it. My stylist was so kind as to move my part over slightly so she could cover it. And while I'm sure you wouldn't be able to see it unless I pointed it out to you, I feel like it is practically lit up with a neon sign that screams "Grey Hair Here" with a big flashing arrow.

I know it's not the end of the world but I think I have been pretty lucky with avoiding any signs of aging. Aside from the muffin top that my kids so graciously blessed me with, I haven't had any other issues. This is the first. It's all down hill from here!

And when she gets a little older, I can tell my daughter that she gave me my first grey hair.


Man, I Feel Like a Woman!

Once again!

Weight: 169 lbs
Razor Status: Resting
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: 0
Hubby's Mood: Content

Ahh, I feel so much better! I think I'll even shower and shave tonight!

It was so nice to go to the salon today and get a little bit of pampering in before I go back to work! I got a long over due hair cut which of course feels wonderful! She took about 2 inches off and my hair is now about chin length. I told her that I wanted it short enough that I wouldn't be able to pull it back into a pony tail. This will force me to take the time to style it every day.

After my haircut she gave me a fantastic pedicure. It was absolute bliss! I forgot how nice it is to have someone pamper you like that. I don't remember the last time my feet felt so good. If I had to guess, I'd say it was the day before my wedding. In 2006! The best part is that this salon doesn't charge extra for a french pedi. Score!

After my pedi we headed over to the chair to proceed with the barbaric ritual of ripping hair off my face. I remember why I put it off the way I do. Because no amount doing it will ever get me used to the feeling. It hurts like a bitch and my face always looks like someone just smacked me around afterwards. But I have to say that I do like the end result. I think I will tweeze in between waxing to make it last longer. But I vow never to go more than 3 weeks without a wax. I promise!

Now I have to get The Boy to bed so I can shower and shave. And I may even thank Hubby tonight for suggesting that I get pampered today! ;)


Spice Up Your Day

With your iPhone.

Weight: 169 lbs
Razor Status: Active
Days Until Eyebrow Wax: 2
Hubby's Mood: Antsy

I was browsing around on Cosmopolitan's website looking for a little inspiration and happened to stumble upon the site MyPleasure. It was here that I learned of a fascinating new app for my iPhone that I just had to download. It of course was purely for research purposes in order to make your visit to my blog more enjoyable.

This fabulous new app is sure to alleviate the boredom of Monday morning meetings, rush hour traffic, dinner with the in-laws or a mundane night in. It's fully customizable and saves the settings when you turn it off so when you turn it on again it's right where you left it. You can even chose your setting and turn your iPhone off to conserve battery power while the app runs.

So what is this mystery app? It's called MyVibe. You read that right and no, it's not a clever name for something more innocent. It's an app that turns your iPhone into a vibrator. Oh yeah, a vibrator. It's just one more reason why you need an iPhone. Can your blackberry bring you this kind of pleasure? I don't think so!

So next time you have a long cab ride, grab your iPhone. At a boring movie, grab your iPhone. Want to spice up your dinner date, grab your iPhone.

Just don't lend it to me when you're done!


Tough Guys Can Be Sweet

Even my husband. Occasionally.

Current Weight: 170 lbs (but that was after I had my coffee)
Razor Status: Active
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: I have an appointment on Wednesday
Hubby's Mood: Getting antsy

For the last 8 weeks I have been on maternity leave. The last 5 of those weeks has been with my darling baby girl. I love her more than words but she is exhausting. My son was so easy as a newborn/infant. When he was done with his bottle I could just put him in his swing, bouncy seat or on his play mat and he was happy as a pig in... well, you get it. Baby Doll (more on the nickname in another post) is a little more demanding, as divas usually are. If she's awake, she wants to be held. No exceptions. Then you add an overactive toddler and late night/early morning feedings and you've got a recipe for severe sleep deprivation. And that makes for one moody mommy.

In fact, I took my moodiness out on Hubby this morning by bitching him out because the dog was going crazy this morning while he was getting ready for work. Every time Hubby walked by the bedroom the dog would jump down from the bed, run after him and then turn around and jump back up on the bed. All of the commotion woke up Baby Doll and of course that meant I had to get up. Me = Cranky.

So imagine my surprise when Hubby texted me telling me to make myself an appointment at the spa on Wednesday (his day off) so I could relax a little bit. Now, my husband isn't the compassionate, understanding, attentive type. It's just not his personality. So this gesture is HUGE! I was so thrilled that I thanked him multiple times in the course of one conversation. I think that annoyed him a little. I decided to save a little money and make an appointment at the salon instead. So Wednesday I will be getting a hair cut, a pedicure and an eyebrow wax (I know, finally!). I needed all these things anyway (save the pedicure) and would have had to spend the money regardless so I decided to make that my "spa day". I can't wait!

And to thank him... well, I have to save something for my next post!


Talking Dirty

It's not for the faint of heart.

Current Weight: 169 lbs.
Razor Status: Dormant
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: ...
Hubby's Mood: Content

I was reading this article on Cosmopolitan online about how to sex up your normal day to day activities. One of the suggestions was to send your husband/boyfriend a racy text message during the day to make your work day more interesting. I think their specific example was
"Warning: I'm gonna rip your clothes off when I get home."
Now, I don't know about you, but that's a little too racy for our relationship. We aren't a lovey dovey, affectionate couple. In fact, we don't even sit on the same couch when we're at home by ourselves. When I approached my husband in the living room one morning when we had the house to ourselves, he actually asked me what the hell I was doing. Now THAT made me feel sexy! So needless to say, I'm sure I would get a similar response if I were to start talking dirty through text messages.

That's not to say that I wouldn't like to start steaming up my work day a little. I would love to have a flirty exchange with my husband but even if he were receptive to my advances, I don't know that he would reciprocate. I just don't think he has it in him. Regardless, I think I'm going to try it next week sometime while he's at work. Maybe something less risque like
"I can't wait for you to get home! ;)"
And then as time goes on I can work up the nerve to really heat things up. Is it weird that I feel awkward talking dirty to a man with whom I have been intimate for over 8 years? Maybe. But I guess that's all about rediscovering who I am.

Do you talk dirty to your husband/boyfriend? Is it mildly flirtatious or is it blush-worthy? I'm curious to know how many people have these kind of exchanges. And feel free to share!


Sleep Deprivation

Is hazardous to your sex life.

Weight: 170
Razor Status: Active
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: I will go, I promise!
Hubby's Mood: Content

No wonder so many people suffer in the bedroom after having a child. How is anyone expected to perform in the bedroom when you can't seem to get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time? Add the exhaustion of chasing a toddler around all day and you have a non-existent sex life. So how do you work sex into a life that is run by kids who suck the energy right out of you?

Seriously. How? Because if you're looking for advice here, I don't have any. I would love to hear your thoughts. Short of shipping the kids out to grandma's house for a night, I'm clueless.

Unfortunately my son has rearranged his sleep schedule since I have been on leave from work. We don't get him up at 6:45 am anymore. I let him sleep until he wakes up. Why not? But the lingering effect of that is that he's up until 10:30 every night. Now, that doesn't sound late to most people, but to us moms, that's the equivalent to a college student's 4:00 am. It's really freaking late! So by the time we get him upstairs and into bed, I'm ready for bed myself. And usually so is the Hubby.

So if you have any thoughts on how to combat the exhaustion at the end of the day just long enough to work in a little intimacy in the bedroom, please let me know. Quickly. Before my husband files for divorce papers.


Your Husband is Not Gay

Unless of course your name is Dina McGreevey.

Current Weight: 172 lbs (WTF???)
Razor Status: Active
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: Longer than should be legal
Hubby's Mood: Antsy

There is a reason there are products made for men and products made for women. Apparently, we're very different. Or so I have been told.

While I was in my slump, shaving was the last thing I wanted to worry about when I showered. I just wanted to get in, wash and get out. I would only shave when it was absolutely necessary, ie. my legs started to itch so bad I couldn't possibly wait another day. Gross, I know, but that's why they call it a slump. Anyway, when I did shave, I just used my husband's shave gel. I didn't shave often enough to even be concerned about buying my own. I just didn't care.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping and bought a can of women's shave gel for the first time in ages. And I shaved. I was really surprised (because apparently I had forgotten) how soft and smooth the women's shave gel left my legs compared to the men's. I mean, I guess it makes sense. Women's vs men's. Not to mention that men's is designed for facial hair and women's is designed for legs (and other places). Why wouldn't it be different?

And why wouldn't men's shave gel smell manly and women's shave gel smell womanly? It didn't take me long to notice that I smelled like a man after I shaved. At the time I didn't care but now that I look back on it I'm sure it was a huge turn off for my husband. Why would he want to be with a woman who smelled like a man? As far as I know, he's not attracted to men or people who smell like men. Plus, I didn't feel sexy when I smelled like a man. How could I? So I decided to leave the men's shave gel for my husband and stick with women's products only.

I am now happy to report that I no longer smell like a man. And my husband appreciates it.


Sex & Work

No, I'm not talking about having an office affair!

Weight: 170 lbs
Razor Status: Active
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: I'm still trying to remember
Hubby's Mood: Getting Antsy

I was watching the Today Show this morning and they had a segment on about how your sex life could affect your work. Apparently, a healthy sex life can lead to better productivity at work.

From Wikipedia:
Dopamine is commonly associated with the pleasure system of the brain, providing feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate a person proactively to perform certain activities. Dopamine is released (particularly in areas such as the nucleus accumbens and prefrontal cortex) by naturally rewarding experiences such as food, sex, drugs, and neutral stimuli that become associated with them.
As it turns out, the dopamine released in your brain during sex has a lingering affect once you get up in the morning and head into work. This could lead to better moods, better concentration and more energy to get you through the work day.

So this got me to thinking. Could my cranky mood at work been the result of my faltering sex drive? There were plenty of times that I flipped out at work and just blamed it on the hormones of pregnancy (or found another excuse when I wasn't pregnant). Not only did I have my moody days, but I found myself having difficulty getting through the afternoon. You know, that 3 pm crash? Could that be prevented simply by having a healthy sex life?

And if my sex life can affect something so seemingly unrelated like work, what else is it affecting? We all know that sex is a big part of any relationship, but I am now thinking that it can affect a relationship in more than one way. Maybe the fights we have had in the past have been an indirect result of our sexual relationship. And not just because hubby was cranky about not getting any. Maybe it was because I was grouchy for the same reason but didn't realize it. If the dopamine released during sex is supposed to improve your mood, then maybe those little fights about "nothing" never would have happened.

I go back to work in 2 1/2 weeks. Hopefully I will have recovered enough from childbirth to find out whether a healthy sex life improves productivity and energy at work. And maybe it will improve my marriage, too! I'll keep you posted.


Sports Bras Have a Place

And it's not under your regular clothes.

Current Weight: 170 lbs
Razor Status: dormant
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: who knows?
Hubby's Mood: content

I didn't nurse either of my kids. Save your lecture. As many may know (and even more may not know) whether you decide to nurse or not, your milk comes in. And waiting for it to stop is a long, painful process.

There is a reason women used to bind their chests with strips of fabric back in the day. It's the only thing that will make your boobs feel better. In case you're not familiar with what happens, I will explain.

Within a few days of delivery, your body starts to produce milk. If there is no baby (or pump) to extract the milk, it just sits there and builds up. The result is gi-normous, rock hard, 30 pound sand bags hanging off your chest. And I am not exaggerating. Your husband will most likely LOVE what he sees filling out your now stretched out tee shirt. And if he's a typical man, he will most likely want to grab at your chest. To which you will respond with a swift kick to the groin to relay to him exactly what it feels like when so much as a soft breeze blows by, let alone his heavy man hands grabbing at them. Binding your chest seems like such a medieval method of coping with your painful new figure, so you do the next best thing. You buy so many sports bras that you will never have to worry about Fruit of the Loom or Hanes going out of business. And you wear them every day. For weeks. And being that it's the only thing that presents any kind of relief, you're afraid to stop wearing them.

But the uni-boob look is so not sexy! It took me a while to face it after I had my second child. And even though I knew it, I was still worried about venturing back into the world of underwire. The biggest problem I found when trying on my bras for the first time since giving birth was that none of them fit. So the long, arduous process of shopping for new bras begins.

So why is it so important to ditch the sports bra? Because the one thing that I have learned during my "rediscovery" is that you can't feel sexy when your boobs are bound. And feeling sexy is the fist step towards being sexy.

So if you're to the point where you're ready to ditch the sports bra but aren't quite sure, just remember, there's nothing sexy about the uni-boob.


Gym Memberships Are Like Appliances

You don't ever, EVER give one as a gift unless it's expressly requested.

Weight: 170 lbs
Razor Status: Dormant
Days Since Last Eyebrow Wax: I lost count
Hubby's Mood: Content

Every woman has the dream of walking out of the hospital after having a baby wearing the clothes she wore before she was pregnant. I know I did. Or even a size or two larger. The reality of it is (much to my dismay after delivering my son) that you're very likely going to be wearing maternity clothes for several weeks, if not months, after you deliver.

My husband signed me up for the gym two weeks ago. Don't worry, I asked him to. For Father's Day I got him a membership at Anytime Fitness. I considered my membership my "push present". He knew I wanted to get back into shape for when I go back to work so that hopefully I can wear some of my bigger size clothes. Aside from wanting my old figure back, I just can't afford to buy new clothes.

I have learned a couple of things since starting at the gym.

1. I was much more out of shape than I ever could have guessed.
2. 20 minutes on the elliptical machine is a long freaking time.
3. I work out much better while listening to Shinedown than I do while watching E! True Hollywood Story.


Two Kids and Two Years Later

Well, more like three years. But anyway...

It wasn't long ago that I was a young newly-wed, proud of who I was as a woman and a wife. I was confident. I was happy with myself both inside and out. And our marriage reflected that. My husband and I were both happy with the course that our relationship had taken. And not most importantly but pretty high up there on the list, we were happy with our sex life as well. Then we got pregnant with my first child.

I always knew I wanted kids. And I was as prepared as I could be for what would come along with having a baby. Sleepless nights, long days and a severely altered social life. But I was OK with that. What I wasn't prepared for was the huge affect it would have on me as a person, as a woman. I knew that pregnancy and child birth could wreak havoc on your hormones, I just didn't realize for how long.

Suddenly, not only did I not have any interest in sex, but I would cringe at the thought. The worst part was that I recognized it but felt like I couldn't do anything about it. I tried to get myself in the mood but it was useless. And the last thing I wanted was for my husband to think that it was his fault. This lasted for a good two years. Then I got pregnant with my second child.

I guess it makes sense that if one child knocks your hormones out of whack, it would take another child to set them straight again. But of course once my sex drive came back I started getting bigger and bigger as my pregnancy progressed. I was ready to reclaim my role as my husband's sexy wife but I didn't feel sexy. My belly was growing and my joints were aching. I couldn't even stand up without having pain shoot up and down my back and through my hips. And I was supposed to have sex?!? I wanted to but my body just couldn't.

Great. If it's not one thing, it's another.

So this leads me to the purpose of this blog.

This blog is a candid account of my journey to reclaim my femininity, my sexuality and my identity as a woman, wife and mother.