8.09.2009

Two Kids and Two Years Later

Well, more like three years. But anyway...


It wasn't long ago that I was a young newly-wed, proud of who I was as a woman and a wife. I was confident. I was happy with myself both inside and out. And our marriage reflected that. My husband and I were both happy with the course that our relationship had taken. And not most importantly but pretty high up there on the list, we were happy with our sex life as well. Then we got pregnant with my first child.

I always knew I wanted kids. And I was as prepared as I could be for what would come along with having a baby. Sleepless nights, long days and a severely altered social life. But I was OK with that. What I wasn't prepared for was the huge affect it would have on me as a person, as a woman. I knew that pregnancy and child birth could wreak havoc on your hormones, I just didn't realize for how long.

Suddenly, not only did I not have any interest in sex, but I would cringe at the thought. The worst part was that I recognized it but felt like I couldn't do anything about it. I tried to get myself in the mood but it was useless. And the last thing I wanted was for my husband to think that it was his fault. This lasted for a good two years. Then I got pregnant with my second child.

I guess it makes sense that if one child knocks your hormones out of whack, it would take another child to set them straight again. But of course once my sex drive came back I started getting bigger and bigger as my pregnancy progressed. I was ready to reclaim my role as my husband's sexy wife but I didn't feel sexy. My belly was growing and my joints were aching. I couldn't even stand up without having pain shoot up and down my back and through my hips. And I was supposed to have sex?!? I wanted to but my body just couldn't.

Great. If it's not one thing, it's another.

So this leads me to the purpose of this blog.

This blog is a candid account of my journey to reclaim my femininity, my sexuality and my identity as a woman, wife and mother.

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