Random Tuesday Thoughts: Cannolis, Easter candy and man candy!


It's Tuesday so we're getting random over at The Un-Mom.  Grab the button and link up!

It was a slow week on my Twitter stream this week because I have been reading like mad so all of my random thoughts have been stored instead of tweeted.  So here you go!

Why do we always run out of milk when I want a bowl of cereal?  I mean, we always have enough milk for the little heathens kids.  I think they syphon the milk when they realize we're running low and then store it.  Crafty little buggers, aren't they?  Don't let the cute faces fool you . . .

The Hub has to have surgery on his shoulder.  The ortho said no gym.  At all.  So he said he needs to start eating better so he doesn't gain weight.  I consider it my wifely duty to help him.  So I really don't understand why he was upset when I ate the last cannoli.  I mean, I did it for him!  I get no credit for the sacrifices I make!

Speaking of sacrifices, I have also made the difficult decision to eat all the Easter candy in the house.  I really wouldn't want him to get fat on me.  After all, he's the one who's worried about gaining weight.  I'm only doing it to protect him!

You know how when you were younger and you missed curfew your mom would wake you up at like 5 am to start chores as punishment?  No?  Ok, my mom never did that either but wouldn't that be a great way to punish your kid?  My kids are going to hate me when they're teenagers!  Anyway, that's what I feel like when I stay up too late now.  Every time I stay up late, The Princess wakes up at like 5 am.  Really?  But if I go to bed early she sleeps until like 8:30.

I think I'm going to stop buying food.  Except for cereal.  Because that's all my kids will eat.  That and Cheez-Its.  And Pop-Tarts.  So we have grains, dairy and fruit covered.  That's enough, right?  I'm going to save a ton of money!

You know how Neo was able to learn jiu jitsu in like 30 seconds in The Matrix?  I wonder if I can do that with books.  My to-read list is just getting longer and longer.  And some of the books I have on there are the first in the series.  If I add the entire series it's going to be completely unreasonable.  There just isn't enough time!

Oh, and here's your random man candy for the week, courtesy of my book blog, Secrets of a Book Lover.  If you don't want to miss any tasty treats, follow me either here or there.  Just a hint, if you follow me there, you'll get your man candy a day early!  Enjoy!


Random Tuesday Thoughts: Dog breath, coffee and Iron Man


Let's get random, bitches!

It's been slow for me on Twitter lately. I have started reviewing some pretty awesome books and it's kind of become an addiction, LOL! That's why I skipped last week's RTT to announce my new book blog. I didn't want MMM to turn into a book blog (though I will still do book reviews here, too), so I started up Secrets of a Book Lover. Check it out if you love to read!

Anyway, here we go!

There's nothing like hot dog breath on the back of my neck while I'm driving!

I am laying in bed, really wanting to stay here but I also really want my coffee. Life is hard!

The Kid: "Mommy, it's Uncle Charlie!" #winning

checked my phone and couldn't believe the kids slept until 8:15. Then I looked at the clock on the wall and understood why. Gotta love DST!

Both kids in bed, hubby's at work and I have a new book. All I need is my cosmo and I'm in heaven!

I just got a fortune, "if you live a long life, it will be a testament to your friends' self control." well, that's kinda fucked up.

The Princess now knows how to say "Iron Man". Mommy is so proud!

Mmm... Coffee!

And here's your random man candy of the week, courtesy of my new book blog, Secrets of a Book Lover!


If only I could give Satan the finger

Remember way back when I wrote this post about how I was laid off from the job that redefined the phrase Hell on Earth?

Well, last week I got a call.  The call.  The one that I never expected.  The one that I promised I would use to laugh in the face of evil.  Yes, I got a call asking me if I would be interested in re-joining Satan (who may or may not look somewhat like the picture to the right) in her attempts to torture humanity (or the 30 or so employees who work for her).  Of course, Satan herself didn't call me, the very nice mortal soul who got sucked into doing her bidding called me.  So my hopes to give Satan the verbal finger were dashed and I had to let him down gently.  That was kind of a buzz kill.  I only wish I could have told her to go fuck herself.  That would have been very gratifying.

And in case you're wondering about my reasons for my disdain for Satan and the Fiery Pits of Hell, check out this post.


Bottoms Up: Midori Sour Recipe

Happy Friday!  I hope you have fun plans for the weekend!  To get you started off on the right foot, I have put together this recipe.

When I turned 21 I was kind of at a loss.  I was a "good girl" and didn't really drink before I was of legal age (aside from the occasional glass of cheap wine) so I had no idea where to start with my new venture into adulthood.  Fortunately, I had my friends and my boyfriend (AKA: future husband) to guide me.  We got to the bar and my friend ordered me a Midori sour.  YUM!  I was in heaven and didn't drink anything but Midori sours for the next 6 months.

So in the interest of nostalgia, here you go!

1 part Midori Melon Liqueur
1 part whisky sour mix
2 parts Sprite or other lemon-lime soda

Stir and pour over a highball glass filled with ice.  Garnish with maraschino cherries.

Have a happy weekend!


Then and Now

Remember when. . .

. . .we thought we were young and sexy?

. . .we used to wear thongs all the time?

. . .our shirts barely touched the top of our pants?

. . .we used to do our hair and makeup before we left the house?

. . .our manicured fingers never missed an appointment?

. . .we got a nice, long, relaxing shower?  Every day?

. . .we were sex goddesses?

Now. . .

. . .we are busting our asses every day to get even a glimpse of that cute figure.

. . .we hate the thought of fabric wedging between our ass cheeks.

. . .we're on the hunt for shirts that cover our muffin tops.  And we will find them.  One day.

. . .we have surrendered to the pony tail and Chapstick.

. . .we are lucky to even have nails after all the ass-wiping, nose-wiping, kid-wrangling and hand-washing we do.

. . .we're lucky to even have time to wash our faces and brush our teeth, let along get a full length shower.  What's that smell?

. . .our husbands are lucky we let them look at us, let alone touch us.

Oh, the joys of motherhood!


Shh... Don't tell!

Secrets of a Book LoverI'm so excited to announce the debut of my new book blog! Click the sexy little box over there to check out my first post and don't forget to follow!  Don't worry, I will still be posting here!


Saturday searches: Toys, angels and candy

It's time for Saturday Searches again!  If you want to participate, just check out your stats and list the search terms that led people to your blog.  Then, come back here and leave a comment with the link.  I'd love to check it out!

Here we go!

monologues about toys - I could write an entire post about my "toys"! *Wink, wink*

raising the dead mara purnhagen - I hope you enjoyed it!

adopted child monologues - Unfortunately, there's no denying that my kids are my biologicals.

bulimia monologues - I'm proud to report that my son is through testing his gag reflex.

coffee vs alcohol - I've figured out the solution. Coffee in the morning, alcohol at night. Seems simple enough.

coupon oraganizer reviews - I'm sensing a trend here.

crreme de menthe muffins - Ew. And I'm not just talking about the spelling error that led someone to my blog.

i want a muffin top - You can have mine. But I have to ask . . . WHY?!?

man angel - Mmm . . .

monologues candy - Unfortunately, the only candy that my diet allows for is man candy. Wait, that's not unfortunate . . .

Happy Saturday!


Bottoms Up: Raspberry Cosmopolitan Recipe

I got this recipe from my sister in law right before New Years Eve.  It was so delicious and I ended up putting back five of these babies that night.  Needless to say, I was feeling pretty good by the time The Hub had to carry me to bed!

Here you go!

2 parts raspberry vodka (I use Svedka)
1 part triple sec
1 part lime juice
1 part cranberry-raspberry juice

Pour into a shaker and add a few cubes of ice.  Shake and strain into a martini glass.  Garnish with a lime wedge or three raspberries (like olives) if you like.

This recipe is super simple and delicious!  It's refreshing, too so it would be great for an outdoor party or just sitting on the porch, enjoying the warm weather.  Can you tell I'm looking forward to spring?  Just be careful because they go down really smooth and will hit hard if you're not paying attention to how many you've had.

Bottoms up!


Top ten (not so subtle) signs The Hub wants to have sex

Unfortunately, most men are clueless about the art of subtle hints. The Hub is one of those men. Sometimes I can't help but laugh at some of the things he does or says when he's in the mood that he thinks are subtle that are completely transparent.

1. Slap on the ass - Sorry baby, you couldn't be more obvious.

2. Lays in the middle of the bed - Normally you lay so far away from me that I worry you're about to fall off the bed. When I come in the bedroom and your'e laying abnormally close to my side of the bed, I know what's in store for me.

3. Has a drink - You doesn't drink often but when you cracks open a cold one (or worse, pours himself a drink) I know that you've got big plans for later.

4. Offers me a drink - Sweetie, I may act like I don't want you to touch me, but you don't have to get your wife drunk to have sex. Foreplay would be just fine.

5. Suggests "date night" - When you suggest something so out of the ordinary, I know it's because you have an agenda. But I'm not complaining. Thanks for wining and dining be before trying to get me in the sack.

6. "Hot date tonight?" - When you notice my outfit enough to suggest that I'm meeting my boyfriend for a date, I know my plan worked. Now drop your pants!

7. Making fun of me - Remember when your mom told you that if the boys are making fun of you it means they like you? Well, that goes for husbands, too.

8. Asks me if I'm coming to bed - Ok, so maybe you want to know if you should shut the TV off, but normally you're really asking "can we have sex tonight?"

9. Cuddling - Normally you act like my skin is made of acid and won't come anywhere near me. Remember the "middle of the bed" thing? Yeah. So when you nuzzle up to me in bed, I don't need to feel you poking me in the back to know why.

10. Nothing - Let's just face it. Sometimes it's a surprise.  Good job!


Random Tuesday Thoughts: Martinis, baseball and unicorn blood


Let's get random, bitches!

What a fun week! I hope you all had a good one! Here are some random tweets from my Twitter stream. To follow the madness, just click HERE. Enjoy!

Sometimes I look forward to going to bed because I really want my morning cup of coffee. Good night!

Watching Sonny with a Chance with The Kid. Frat boy is wearing a Delta Nu shirt. Isn't that a sorority? As in, Elle Woods?

Seriously? It's only 8:30? I feel like I have been up for 10 hours already!

Mmm... Apple martinis kicked my ass tonight! So yummy though!

Radio: ACDC Nine Lives; The Kid: This is the Iron Man song! Me: I'm so proud of you!

Reservations have been made! I feel like I'm going on a first date, lol! It's been over a year since we had a date night!

Date night tonight! Without the kids! I can't wait!!! Ps. It was The Hub's suggestion. I wonder what he wants...

Oh dear sweet coffee. You are the reason I get out of bed in he morning! Oh, and you too, kids.

I #ff @IamthePeachy1 because she has unicorn blood running through her veins. Take that, Charlie!

@Htswanger It's ok, it's not your fault. I'm like a drug. You'll go through withdrawal if I don't tweet regularly, lol!

As soon as The Hub gets home we're going out so I locked up the dogs. You should hear the greyhound howl of death coming from their room!

Sometimes it takes more courage to walk away from something that's not working than to stick with it just because you love it.

The Hub got tickets to home opener. Spring is just around the corner!

To iPad or not to iPad. That is the question.

Has anyone tried the Peanut Butter Creme Oreos? O.M.G.

Why does pepperoni have to be so yummy?

And now for your random man candy (thanks once again to my girl, Crystal for doing the dirty work!) of the week. And this little morsel actually has a name! This would be Jed Hill, cover model for The Perfect Play by Jaci Burton. I would like to personally thank Jaci for writing a book that warranted a cover like this. You bet your ass this is on my "to read" list. I have no shame in admitting that I am judging this book by its cover. None.


Saturday searches: martinis, serial killers and sexy thoughts

You all know how much I love my searches! So here we go.

And the winner is... Monologue - sorry people, no giveaways going on now but if you want want to help me change that, email me!

Chocolate martini recipe - I'm so happy my recipe is helping so many people! Enjoy!

Coffee vs alcohol - I'm still researching this. But don't worry, I plan to dedicate as much time as it takes to find the answer. I will let you know when I reach a conclusion.

Girl with the dragon tattoo - loved the book!

Monologue ke$ha - Don't get me started. I hate her. Who spells their name with a fucking dollar sign anyway? Is she a gangsta rapper? No. Use an S like the rest of the normal people, bitch. I could go on...

Mrs a's coupon organizer review - people are going to think all I blog about is coupon organizers. And who is mrs A?

Raising the dead Mara purnhagen - looks like my book reviews are catching on.

Serial killer/sex addict monologue - if the FBI comes banging down my door because of you people, I'm going to be pissed.

Sexy random thoughts #s 1 - 7 - there are 7 of them? Can someone please share?


Battle of the Bands



or this?

Axl, honey.  You used to be pretty.  Shame.

But Bret.  Oh Bret.  The things I would do to you...

Have you ever noticed how in all of Bret Michael's photos he looks like he's going to jump off the screen and kiss you?  Drool . . .


Random Tuesday Thoughts: Tony Stark, jackhammers and rejection


Let's get random, bitches!

Busy Twitter week for me, partially thanks to the Oscars.  Here we go!

"I'll get REAL Jersey up in this piece!" -Scott Caan

The Princess is out of breath from laughing at the dog chasing his tail! #sofunny

I didn't realize Michelle Williams had done anything since Dawson's Creek #redcarpetmoms #Oscars

"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it" -Lena Horne #Oscars #redcarpetmoms

@insomniacmom In my dreams I'm Pepper Potts! #Oscars #redcarpetmoms

Something delicious. And yummy. <3 RT @insomniacmom: Yes, there is just something about RDJr. RT @MuffinTopMommy: Oh Tony Stark! #Oscars

 "YOU get an Oscar! And YOU get an Oscar! And YOU get an Oscar!" -Oprah #Oscars #redcarpetmoms

 LMAO! Doesn't he own a shirt? #Oscars #redcarpetmoms

 That wasn't the Trent Reznor I remember! #Oscars #redcarpetmoms

 Wanted wine and cheese. Have the Chardonnay but I'll have to settle for string cheese. #Oscars #redcarpetmoms

 JF's ass isn't bad in a leotard! #oscars #redcarpetmoms

 The Kid is going crazy because "Tony Stark" is on TV! #oscars

 I would like to observe a moment of silence in memory of my garbage can and recycle buckets who were kidnapped by the wind today. =...(

 Ugh! Gas leak. Jackhammers. Flashing lights. No sleep in my near future...

 Pay attention: Mikey didn't eat anything. That's why they were surprised he liked Life cereal. So, stop calling your human vacuum Mikey. 

I wonder what the best thing was BEFORE sliced bread.

@RBtWBC Oh yes! I usually have a glass when the kids go to bed each night. Sometimes I treat myself to a martini but it's usually wine.

@springraine I was up to 1200 and now I'm down to 1192. Virtual rejection sucks. :(

What?!?  I forgot the random man candy?!?  Well, fuck!  Here you go, please forgive me!
PS. I got this one from my girl, Crystal's blog, Reading Between the Wines.  Check it out (linky in my sidebar)!